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To coin an old phrase, “What do we talk about when we talk about love?”  

Do we mean romance? Lust? Sex? Desire?  

All of the above? More?  

First I think we need to ask — and answer —- what is love?  

Indeed, the trickiest question of them all!  

Love is an emotion.  

Love is also an action.  

We’re all familiar with the swooning of romance, but what happens during those periods of a relationship when we’re not “in love,” but still love our partner? How do you express that love?  

Most famous are the grand gestures. Whether it’s John Cusack holding up a boom box in “Say Anything” with “In Your Eyes” playing; running down the airport terminal to catch our “soul mate” before they get on the plane; or having 7,432,107 rose petals sprinkled on your lover’s bed, we know it when we see it.  

But what about the more subtle acts? Like passing up a trip you really want to take — and have been planning for months — to comfort your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend when something goes terribly wrong. You want to be there for them, but you also want what to take your trip. And you give it up. It’s an action you wouldn’t do for just anyone, but you do it. And you do it without expecting your partner to overtly thank you for it. You do it because you choose to.  

An act of love.  

There are countless others.  

Or when we talk about love, do we mean the heart pounding, weak-in-the-knees avalanche that bowls us over — even when the target of our desire doesn’t reciprocate, or even know about how we feel? Unrequited love?  

Or is it just being horny as dog and having our nether regions lead our hearts into all sorts of unpredictable situations?  

Whether it’s Shakespeare’s beautiful sonnets, Franklin P. Jones, who said, “Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile,” or a simpleton who says, “dude, you’re, like, friggin’ hot,” love comes in all shapes and sizes, and is expressed in innumerable ways.   

What do we talk about when we talk about love?  

To each one of us, the answer is different. And ask the question of the same person once, twice or fifty times throughout their lives, and chances are the answer will almost undoubtly differ, whether in subtle or overt ways.  

Love is the greatest mystery of them all.  

But what a mystery!  

And in keeping with the spirit of love and romance, I will be attending Lunacon 2011, in Rye, NY, March 18-20, where I will be a guest speaker on the panel: Unhappily Ever After: Writing Love Outside the Romance Formula   Even though my novel Finders Keepers is a hilarious, backpacking romp with a sci-fi/fantasy twist, it also delves into the ideas of love, lust, romance and desire … and how that affects the way we see ourselves, and the decisions we make. And being the only guy on the panel should make it extra fun!
I hope to see you there. And for those who can’t make it, I plan on reporting back on what we talked about when we talked about love.   For more information about Lunacon, please visit: http://2011.lunacon.org/